Confessions

I'm trying hard not to read anything into this, but my husband emailed me a story about a low-calorie-diet monkey study today.

There are five containers of ice cream and some three-day old chocolate chip cookies calling to me from my kitchen. I'm not hungry. But I know they are there. And I tell myself "TONIGHT you will not give in!" ...recalling last night's four-scoop shame. I woke to a pile of ants on the floor this morning because I was such a glutton that I just deposited my ice-cream dish beside the bed.

Who is this person? I had hardly gotten any of my summer clothes out of storage this year because I was so sure they would all be too big for me soon. I remember being so so motivated when the weather turned warm to "get out there and get in shape!"

It's not necessarily the weight. I've lost a few pounds...(but it always seems to come from the wrong places) I wanted fewer lumps and more curves. What I got was less of what gave me the curves, thus emphasizing the still-there lumps around my waist, and (my pet peeve): back-rolls.

It's the muscle tone. I haven't got any. I have no muscles to hold me in and up. I'm built roughly like a Twinkie.

It just shows the sad state I'm in that my work-out of choice is with senior citizens (water aerobics)...partly because I can actually survive the whole workout, partly because my vanity prevents me from walking into a real gym (they have MIRRORS in there!), and the worst part, I admit, is that my self esteem gets a boost because I'm not the saggiest one there!!!