So, it's been a little while since I've felt like writing anything. I've been feeling like things around me are moving so fast, while I'm somehow standing still, either observing, or just not being able to keep up with it all. Not being able to process it all fast enough, I am like a deer in the headlights, and I freeze.
When I realized how much 'stuff' I needed to do today, not to make any great strides foreward, but just to acheive "not falling behind", I felt overwhelmed. Kind of like someone being dragged out in the tide, struggling and treading water fiercely in order to be able to remain in the same spot she was before.
And I got ready to write about being on a merry go round. And then I heard the words:
Be still, and know that I am God.
I found this tree outside of the Hinckley Visitor's Center on BYU campus last spring. It spoke to me, for some reason. I didn't know why. And I took photos from several angles before I found the right one. Look how old and gnarly it looks. Even though winter was ending and other trees and vegetation were greening up, this tree remained unchanged--standing there, looking so lonely and out of place. Sort of how I've been feeling lately.
Yet I saw the little buds on the branches. Still closed tight. Waiting...
So, I'm asking myself, in 'being still', do I just stop what I'm doing? Stop rushing around, taking care of this mess, that problem, this meal,, etc... As much as I might like to, I'm pretty sure that's not what it means.
No, I looked it up. The command to "be still" comes from the Hiphil stem of the verb "rapha", meaning "to be weak, to let go, to surrender". I'm thinking about this in terms of that old tree, and wondering if the tree is feeling frustrated at being the last to morph into full summer loveliness.
To be still is to give up trusting in our own power and turning over our concerns and worries to Him. Not in fear, but in full confidence of His love and power and goodness.
I wish I had a picture of that tree in its full splendor. Hopefully, one day Ill get one. But I see it in my mind as the "Sweetheart Tree" on Temple Square that was the gorgeous backdrop for my favorite wedding day picture. (Unfortunately taken before digital cameras!). And I hope that somehow I can have the patience and faith to let go and truly be still, and one day become something as beautiful.
2 comments:
I love Be Still and Know that I am God. It is not always so easy to do that. How is your family? I think about you guys often. Haylie had so much fun with your kids. She had to say what her favorite place to eat was for something at school and she said FRANKS! ha ha. Just keep taking one step at a time and you will be okay. When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I try to focus on essential things first. Am I doing them or have I let them slide by the side?
Thank you for this great post this morning. It really is starting me out on the right foot. I too feel like sometimes we are just going, going, going, and not getting anywhere. For me, I feel like the stone in the musical "The Garden" that can't feel anymore. But there are those sweet moments where peace comes and we know no matter what, all will be well. :)
Thanks again! Hang in there... and let us know if there is anything we can do for you.
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