Saturday, March 21, 2009

Being There

At least once a day I wonder what happened to the life I had once planned. This usually happens when I am sweeping floors or cleaning toilets. These rote household chores that require little brain power, allow my mind to wander back to a time that once was, and will never be again....

Once upon a time, I graduated Magna Cum Laude, Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Eta Sigma, won a scholarship to law school, rubbed shoulders with judges, practiced law at a prestigious law firm, and negotiated important contracts and million dollar settlements, and, in my spare time, I advocated and represented abused children and others in need.

That was back when I felt accomplished, confident, .... in control. That was a really long time ago, but I still occasionally have the guilty fantasies of having lunch out, manicured nails, and, sshhh, my own office.

There is no question that I love being able to be home with my children. I love being the one they come to when they've had a bad day, or need help with homework, or, any of the thousands of things they need from me.

I am a problem solver. And I'm glad I can be here to help my kids with theirs.

But these last few months have taught me a lot:

Sometimes things go wrong that I just can't fix., problems that can't be solved. Sometimes I have to let go of being in control.

From Diabetes, Biliary Atresia, and Multiple Sclerosis, to stitches, fevers, stomache aches, and colds. Our family has had a lot to deal with lately.

I know I can't always keep my kids from getting sick. And I can't always make things all better.
Sometimes, the only thing I can do...the BEST thing I can do, is just BE THERE.
And that's enough.


Jen said...

I knew about the diabetes, but not the other stuff! Which fish have been afflicted with the diseases you mentioned?

Amy said...

Kori you a terrific mom and you can handle what is given to you.
Just take a day at a time. Believe me, they do grow up and move on and have a life where you are not the center of problem solving, but become a friend.
Don't you wish you could peek into the future and just see how wonderful they all turn out? I would love to see my children from Heaven's perspective - we would be WOWED with how awesome they are.
You are doing a great job!